A letter to Gage

Feb 14

You know how I felt about you. A lot of people did actually. But there's  no point in loving(liking as more than a friend) you because you already have an amazing girlfriend. Who REALLY REALLY loves you. And who you really really love back. And I would never ever want to come anywhere between y'all. And plus that's my number one rule: never like a guy with a gf. Not that I couldve, you obviously never wouldve loved me back. But I wouldn't wanna make issues cuz you txt me. So the whole vday note fiasco, I still apologize. It wasn't intended as anything bad. It was a simple vday note that happened to have a picture of a llama in it. All of my notes were like that. Actually that's not true. I couldn't write as much in some peoples cards. You, Maria and Caitlin all got the longest notes I believe. And they almost all had a llama in it. But let me move on now. I will miss you a lot and though I told myself I wouldn't let us not being friends hurt me, I will admit I almost shed some tears. Which doesn't happen, ask any of my friends or family, especially ask Caitlin. I don't cry about anything, even when my chinchilla died in my arms like a couple of Saturdays ago. And though your girlfriends a nice girl and all I think that it was indecent of her to get mad at you over a simple note. Or maybe it wasn't simple to her or you, but honestly it was merely a valentines day note to a friend. That's all you've ever been to me and that's all you'll ever stay as. I even had my friend Lysha read it so she could tell me if it could come across as bad, awkward, weird etc. She said no so that's why I was so shocked of the reaction it got. Even if we never talk again I just want you to know that I'm not upset with you or her. I just feel REALLY guilty that I brought this upon you... And what I said about not liking you isn't true. I lied. I still like you as more than a friend but since nothing will come of my silly and stupid little school girl crush I'm stopping myself. Which is actually really easy to do now. Did you know that I first started liking you the first day of speech? Well, actually I just thought you were real cute lol. Brooke had told me about you during the summer and I had wanted to meet you because who wouldn't wanna meet a guy that a little 10 year old liked? Lol anyways, as speech went on I really came to like you. and not just because of your looks. You are completely talented and will one day take over the music world. Actually you kind of remind me of the singer from Jacks Mannequin..or Alex Goot.. You are confident, a huge comedian sometimes, you listen and are understanding. You don't judge and you're really sweet sometimes. There are other reasons too but I don't want to get sappy or make this more awkward lol. All That wasnt meant to be seen but I'm being honest and so it's staying in this. I don't care if you dub me a freak or anything, I'm used to that. And like I said, it's really easy not to like you like that anymore. I will care though if you show this to anyone.. Well this is all I have for now.

Feb 15

Today was a spectacle. I'm not even really really sure of what all happened. I screwed up I will admit, I shouldn't have texted Nathan, I was just so upset and mad and ugh! And I don't know if Miranda had any reason to lie about what she said, especially the parts about there being issues with girls liking you and some old friend that made out with you or something. BUT I trust that you wouldn't lie either. So I was torn and mad because of it all and I took mirandas side because it made sense since I've never ever seen her mad or upset or anything. Plus what she said just seemed sincerely honest. But anyways now everyone hates me. And I still feel like crap. Dani hates me. YOU despise me. Gawd knows what everyone else who hears about this will think. Oh and Nathan hates me for what I said to him. Which I shouldve said a longggggg time ago but was too nice and trusting to say or believe. So yeah now I know that our friendship is officially over. And it's mostly my fault, though others disagree, and I dont care if you read this whole thing because you and a few strangers are the only ones that ever will. And the strangers prolly won't even attempt to read this all. But I needed to say this, to get it off my chest, since I can't text you and anyone I know who could talk to you hates me now.

This isn't a "oh please pity me" letter. This is an "I screwed up, hate all of this, miss talking to my friends, want everything to go back to normal" letter. I don't expect you to see this and forgive me, I highly doubt you'll even click the link. And I know I have a way of making my words come out wrong and make things worse so if this letter does make things worse ignore it. And if I could go back in time and not give you that god damn innocent vday note that started all this shit then I would most definitely.. Well this is all I have..